Forgive and Forget

In evidence, every couple does have conflicts…Whereas, that might be a good way to get better understanding on each other… No matter how worst the condition is, forgive and forget are always the way to hold us tightly…

I know my fault, I apologized, I try to fix it up carefully as I used to be termagancy yet I’ve changed unconditionally because of you… This is the first time ever that I was trying so hard to cheer up a man, to be so femininity to him; I wasn’t that girl before… But to you, I know I couldn’t be the previous me anymore, as I know patience is a plaster to all sores… I don’t expect everything will be fine that immediately since that was my fault who turned this up, but I’d try my very best and which was the very best ever to hold you tight…

However, my effort didn’t work well or should say, apologize is no longer effective anymore… I turn my back and walk away because I was tired, whenever I done something that did not change anything… I need a silent space to blank my mind, to think who I am, to think what else I can do, to think how to make thing better, to think why I always would be the destroyer…

Whatever I did, whatever I try to do, I just hold one thought, that's LOVE…

I’ve seen the other side of mine that I can’t believe myself to be the one who never appeared in my life until I realized our love…. Indeed, I’m being the person that I never been in my whole life, so strange for me, yet so familiar…That’s me….That’s the one who love you so much and started to hate myself who usually done something wrong, but still, love my another side that being loved by you…

Apologize to gain forgiveness….

Forgive because of love…

Forget to show the impotency of love…

My Christmas

First of all, I would like to shout out to everyone
MERRY CHRISTMAS...
(Because I missed the chance to yell it out on time!!!)

Well, every girls wish to have a great, peaceful, romantic Christmas Eve with their loves one,
so do I... I prepared myself early after my class...(When a girl pay much effort on making up herself nicely, this simple means how much she'd care the date..)

Since I never truly celebrate a very nice Christmas before (especially with the loves one), I was paying so much expectations on this time X'mas Eve...

I expected him to bring me to somewhere to have a fantastic yet romantic dinner..
I expected him to plan something special or something that can surprise me on the Eve...
I expected both of us can have a very unforgettable countdown day even if only he and I...
(As you know, how much I'd like those parties!)
Expectation always just like a sweet dreams.. It makes you feel so real but its actually did not happen...
I was so excited to see him, but he was in serious sick...
We went out to have dinner, but end up with a little conflict yet cover it up with the "nothing-happen" situation...

Honestly, I was in tempered that time but I can truly understand the situation...
Sometimes, a lot of thing cannot be spoken by words as I myself don't even know what I should do...
Every single thoughts running around my minds, I can clearly read them but I couldn't open my voice and speak them out... I almost burst my tears that time but I was trying so hard to control myself, if not, tears would ruin my make up...T.T

Finally, we decided where to go..
But, I really can't enjoy myself without you...
Arrhh~~~...I don't know what to do that time....I was panic, I was really drawing a blank...What I could do for you is just staying beside you....
And end up, we had porridge together...
That's my Christmas Eve!!

I know you'd use your fragile energy to hug me and give me a Christmas kiss...
I've been touched blissfully...

*************************************************************

The next day, 25th of Dec 2009..
We'd a one day Penang trip...
T.T
What a waste...

I don't care, you must return me my Christmas Eve!

Sorry

I know i was wrong...I messed up the thing...When I try to fix it up, it doesn't work because it was too late... I didn't apologize because I know there is no longer useful... I try to calm your emotion, but the words you spoke had cut my heart...
I dropped my tears silently, because I don't want to let you feel that I was annoying...

I know I'm imperfect for u, the marks had deducted...That's a huge mistakes that I ever did... My personality in your mind have been decreased seriously...Besides apologize, I don't know what to do instead...

I hate myself, hate the one who always mess thing up even when I know thing shouldn't be like that... I hate my tears, when I know tears don't mean anything...

I hope I can be somebody else, to have a big changes of myself..I rather become another person...To gain back the 50 marks...

I hope your knife can straightly cut off my heart, cut it deadly, so that I don't have any feel on it anymore....Yet, I'm dead to see and feel anything....