Stop the old one, and let the new one comes toward you~

Initially, everything go well in these few weeks. In spite of the exam period, my daily routines still have done as usual. Nevertheless, when sometimes I couldn’t focus on my revision, a lot of minds would suddenly pop up.

I’ve made my decision since my previous article to stop everything that I felt it is not suppose to be continued. And my decision was strong because at the same time, my mind has totally changed because I found out something that important for our entire life. My friend was right, I should stop this to let the new things come toward me.

Even though we’ve been gone through this, it doesn’t mean we gonna finish it. It is not necessary to be completed due to the pointless result that both of us know clearly.

When the other party doesn’t have the intention to stop it, I will stop it, because enough is never quit enough. It’s even worst if we don’t know “what’s enough”.

Well, things around me have been changed, I mean, I step in a different environment and start to view the different point. Everything which has been happened and over, it could make a change for us. "No matter the change is physically or mentally, I’m still holding my philosophies, tightly and gracefully."

When decision has made, I mean it.

Recently, I’ve received one video from my friend which I’ve uploaded on my Facebook as well. It is full of meaning with “everyone has their own love story which directed by themselves”. Story begins with how you treat people as whether in a good attitude or bad one. Story begins with how you handle your relationship and how you think love as.

And of course, I’ve truly considered what my character is in the love story. Then, I finally realized it had never been so serious since I started to live in the new environment last time. But now, it had past.

In fact, everything is just a lesson or a procedure for me to grow up and see through the real thing in the real world.

"I opened up my heart, see through the one who really live in, yet, a smile hang up on my face. I digest everything that stored in my mind, and read through the real me again, then I finally know, thing should be like this."

My first new ring might be a good start.

The Changing

During the exam period, I admitted that I didn’t really pay lot of efforts on it. It doesn’t seem like the same motivation that I had for the last semester. I don’t know why my motivation has gone and study for meaningless.
I would like to blog here to express myself tho’, express my boringness on reading “nothing special” subject, memorizing those “useless for your future” stuff.

Anyhow, the main purpose is to post my actual thinking for today…
Something happened today as usual, yet I realized that I’m sick on it aaagggaaaiiinn. My satisfaction has been declined and I can’t feel any passion on it anymore. I didn’t enjoy it at all as what I had done before. It was totally different feeling compare to last time that I did!!
"It seems lack of “something”, and the “thing” is actually didn’t exist since we started this."
At the beginning, I didn’t care about “it” because people always search for excitements. But now, I suddenly feel that “it” has become an essential on doing this.
Without “it”, the game is boring.
Without “it”, the game is meaningless.
Without “it”, the game is still a GAME.

Or should say something obvious, my playfulness has gone, I’m sick and bored on playing this, is it a time for me to find a stable life with a stable "him"? WOW~~ Sounds funny anyway~ LOL.

Anyhow, I don’t really think of it but the situation might look slightly alike, due to the incident that I dreamt for these several nights… The dreams were so real but in real life, it just too impossible. "The dreams' story weren’t same every time but the message to be delivered is obviously same. "
I guess, there would have some clues in the dream. It was a good dream honestly, but it just looks too unbelievable. I don’t know why, I just feel it is so impossible to be happened. Therefore,
I don’t give any expectation on it because I’ve locked my heart.
Stop entering in those relationship stuffs,
because I don’t know when I can learn how to love,
and
I don’t know when I can walk out the terror from being hurt.

I can only realize LOVE, if someday my love has been aroused.

Everything might have a change~

You're GAME OVER

Well well well, I've just finished up our conversation....oooppsss~~~ I end this up???!!!
Hell no!!!
We never step forward to improve our relationship after since you end up our relationship last time with the reason "not enough time"~~God pls, I can't feel your passion at all and even mine!!
I think you would never expected I could be so cold-blooded that sudden huh... hmm...
Simply because I wanna play more to reach my satisfaction before you reach yours...

Since you always wear your mask when you WERE together with me, I might as well hide my real personality too...dude..~
Since you created this game, let's play!

Who cares about the love.... You don't even take it seriously why should I do neither?
Really a big age gap between us huh...Your point of view really doesn't same as mine~!

Mummmyyyy.....oh sweetheart, calling that freaking sweeeeet to me huh...
AWWW man~~ Do you think I always be that kind on doing what you request for?
Hey, I need to have fun tho but it's not come from yours~ because I'm bored enough~~ *YAWN*

Who are u ?
A pass-by-ex-"lover"..
now, it's GAME OVER~
Thanks for giving me such a good moment.. You grow me up man~!!!
Thanks "daddy"~!!!

Be smart~

The fact of Guys & Girls in the city

Guys:

9 out of 10 guys are the same...They like to find girls when they're bored, when they're lonely, when they need girls....

I'll never say those girls who willing to accompany you guys are STUPID, but unfortunately, what I would say is...Girls need guys to have fun too!!~

~Don't forget, the fact is always ugly! ~

Guys always thought that they're the animal who can control girl's smartness, but indirectly, guys' stupidness might more than girls' tho~! As everyone can see, guys like to have affairs with another girl even if they have their loyal beloved one,but... advise to those guys who have fun at outside, don't treat girls as just only your toy, they even smarter than you

Do you thought girls will only willing to do anything that you asked for without any benefit?!

Don't be naive anymore~LOL..

Guys will never expected girls are actually treaten boys as their toys too...

"Guy want to have fun, doesn't mean girl will never play a fool on you!"

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Girls:
9 out of 10 girls are the same...They always live in sweet talks from guys... Girls always thought guys give sweet talks to them is because they're pretty or they're being loved...
However, sorry to tell that,
Guys are actually want to taste on girls and will be back when only they miss the enjoyable flirting moment... Or maaayyyybe that girl is just look too fuckable~~
Girls like to control their man and make sure that they're home punctually,
do you think they'll never have an affairs with other girls outsite when you restrict them?!
Don't be naive anymore~ LOL
Girls will never expected their action in controlling their man will indirectly make the thing worse off!!
Besides,
Girls only hope boys to be sincere to them, but girls like to flirt with other guys in fact~
Because girls' natural preferable is listening to the sweet talks...
So
"don't expect your man to be a loyal boyfriend to you, if you don't even give a fuck to him but to others!"

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Guys and girls in the city,
combine together to achieve what they want,
It's not actually love exist, but it's actually a deal,
guys wish to have what they want, and girls neither!!
She wants him to be like that, he wants her to be like this...
Isn't that a deal?
A deal with full of excitement, which can reach both wants...
No doubt...Here's the realist world...
Don't blame on any one of the party that they don't give sincerity to you, somehow, is you yourself who don't do your responsibility...

Guys, don't think girls as a stupid;
Girls, don't think guys are the bad one...

Because, sometimes both of these gender's has unconditionally exchange but they just didn't noticed that...
Which means....

"Guys is actually the stupid when they thought they're smarter than girls, and girls is absolute the bad biatch when they thought they're pretty good compare with guys!!"


So, don't blame anyone, because both guys and girls are actually the same species~
Since the natural human being is----> SELFISH & EGOISTIC

P/S:(Article above is based on my own opinion without pointing specific person...)

Learn to say "NO"

"People tend to do something that they think it is just alright, but it's actually wrong and definitely, they themselves know about their fault..." Yes, I know about it...

Things around, always remind me " you should stop all of this, you don't deserve these kind of conditions..." Yea...I know...I should deserve better instead of doing such "temporary have fun" things and get nothing at all..Listen up, it's nothing benefit me at all~!

Unfortunately, I don't know how to keep it back anymore...My playfulness has betrayed me until I can't find a way to stop it...I consciously know, we couldn't turn all of this back...Lies, insincere are always out there between us...
"I enjoyed the so-called "wrong" moment, yet feel bad on my enjoyable..."
How sad it is on being such a person like me!! Isn't that funny huh??!!

Everytime I tell myself, don't do the same wrongdoings again, eventhough it doesn't hurt me, it might be in someday. I myself don't even know why I am doing these...Imagine the worst thing happen to me if I still never learn how to say "NO", I clearly understand how life will be going on to me...

I can live alone without anyone no matter how bad the condition is, I really did before and now, I'm living so too...But, "my strength on being a good person seems to be faded away..."Should say, I've chosen to be the bad one...
I broke my promise, and still standing at the same point, never step forward, never learn how to say "NO" to the wrongdoings...

These can be the lonely days, and it's hard to know who's on my side most of the time...Friends around me are always so supportive, but sometimes it just couldn't be satisfied...
Because I never learn how to say "NO" to the incoming fun wrongdoings.

Is there anybody else to make a change for me? Hopefully, there has a place for me to be a good one, to have a stable life, to live and share happiness with someone I love... The one I love, is still staying far far away from me...And since I step in my current life, I do everything just to achieve my dreams, and so, I forget to see those people around me...I'm just blind on seeing people around me because in my eyes, there has only money, life styles, success exist...
"Yes, the realistic of me still never been changed and it seems getting worst until I don't know how to say 'NO' to them..."

Enjoy my wrongdoings, so I only get the wrong thing...
Since when I can learn how to say "NO" to the wrongdoings, to get a good thing I've ever dream for?? Since when....

Ended Love will not Begin~

Simple love started with a naive couple...

Yet, broke up with lots of stupid reasons...or maybe...excuses...

A few years after,
We know we actually can't make thing turn over again since we know what we wish for, finally...
We stare at each other, understand each other SOOOO well, and we consciously know, we're not born together...

However, we started the G-A-M-E and we probably know we should end this game before the thing worse off!!! But, there have no one takes the consideration about "GAME OVER"... The game will proceed until someone will get heart bleeding seriously...

Either you or me, will be the loser or maybe both of us...

It's pretty cool and awesome when we involve in this bitch game...

"Your faithlessness, my realities, work together

and

our RECIPROCITY exist..."

Apparently, it is scary~

I'm totally reveal when I'm with you instead of being your GF...
ahem...
I prefer not to be a GF~!!

korean boy, I'm real in front of you...

Behind the white lies, it's really ugly!

Feel so wanna blogging with the "I can feel a hot one" background music..

We chat as usual just now..
Sweet talks everywhere eventhough that's only sweet to listen~

Since when, I started to talk white lies..
The 3 words "I love you" for me is so so damn easy to speak it out...
And then , for me, what is a big deal of talking those 3 words?!

You know how to flirt, I know how to biatchy anyway~~

Until today, I admit that I actually forget
what is the so-call "fall in love" feeling to him...
He might shocked and he thought he was the one who make a change on me...
Apparently not...! I've became someone else since I live independently..
but I just didn't noticed that until the day we started our relationship and yet, end our relationship like just so "NOTHING",

Only I know...What a real person I am!

You're the one who make me really understand on what kind of person I actually am!

You said you're not sure on why you would tell me "I LOVE YOU" all the time..
But I don't even know what is the purpose of telling you "I love you" everytime..( that most probably people thought "the hardest word to say")..
I spoke that easily because I just want to involve myself into that situation..

Maybe...I LOVE YOU doesn't mean much to me anymore~

So now...You can clearly figure out who I am~

"White lies are always nice to hear but behind the scence,

it is actually ugly!"

I confessed to him, I don't know what is love actually, I only know the realist world...
That's why I can accept what you've done to me outside, that's in my expectation tho!...
I know it early when the 1st second that I started the decision on being together with you~

I know the real world since I'm part of them...

But I didn't do anything that betrayed you..

My sincerity is still there..

People will think that your action was actually betraying me..but as you said to me:" thats only ma...not a big deal for you gua.." " you jealous or unhappy?" HOHOHO... You're right...such thing really not a big deal for me anymore... I'm not jealous, I answered truly, since you didn't mentioned both of you end up the relationship and, I was the one who step in between yours 1st...

Nobody fault on this kind of situation....
Because...

This is the Real World....The Real human-being...The real you...and the real Me...!

p/s :Realistic is only the minor part... The real personality of yourself, don't hide as it will become black-est! Show it to the people around you, let them know..you live with it~
I myself, know my negative personality, but i treat it as the real me...

I'm not a white paper tho~

Never forget what you've told me
" You pretend not to know but actually you've already know"

* Sorry D, I don't mean to hurt you, just want to let you know my actual feeling on our relationship, but I do really treat you with my sincere true heart..I mean it...sorry..*

Frankly, we know each other....

Don't Love Me!

Well, well, well...I had just mentioned at the previous article, saying that
I wouldn't turn my life back to the past...Because it is just over! I know...We'd become matured compared to the pass young "us" but it doesn't mean the problems would not exist.. I mean it...

That's my philosophy~~

I might be too obstinate in some ways since I'm selfish on paying my heart on love. I've too many dreams to accomplish, to concentrate, to sacrifice, to consider but I'm not willing to do anything for love! "Love...is not my priority..It hasn't been arrange in my life yet as I'm a realist until I don't know how LOVE is." It could also be said that I'm still not in preparation for love...It might sound like an excuse but I really can't sacrifice anything for love~Therefore, I poured out to him and emphasize not to keep any love for me..

It's been two year ago...After two years, we meet again, but it doesn't mean anything~ Yea...Both of us have change a lot..He changes good but I change bad...
He said, we can write the new story between us, everything is in our hand..it's glad for me to back to his side because I found the real me in front of him...But, I just couldn't appreciate his love!!
Short-term love is always running in my life...I'm not a faithful girlfriend! ooopsss...
I don't want to mess this up again lar!!!

As I've mentioned before, people always exchange their characteristic with the one they treat as. So, I've become the lastest "him", bringing up his characteristic to treat this "him" which I've been likely to be treated by the lastest "him"...hmmm....sounds so biatch! But, I am!
This korean boy gonna be my victim and he will struggle on it~!!
Or maybe, I'm the loser at the end~ who knows?!

Since both of us started this game as well...
"Who loves the most, that's the loser!"

Don't love me anyway, otherwise, you gonna suffer for being hurt!!!

The break up

I was trying to send a message, telling him what I felt about our relationship, thinking it's time for us to TALK clearly on what we're really want. It is not a good way for us to be not contacting each other. Unfortunately, my phone was out of credit!!! What so coincidence again! It's been a week we never even text or talk to each other. But, after a few seconds, I received a message sent by him, asking what I would feel if we apart one day.
We talked on the phone, he explained the reason of his decision, I explained why I can respect for the final decision. "The being apart so call broke up is acceptable. Nothing surprise me because I’d expect this, long time ago." I mean…I know this day would come one day. He handled it very well which mean he made thing easier. What the reason is he has no time for anyone include his girlfriend. Erm..I know it’s just an excuse but I don't care because break up doesn't need an explanation!! I never told him what I really feel on this because explanation doesn't work much anymore. Although there had actually a lot of my own thinking, I was still speechless in the conversation. Because, I know what I really understand, he doesn't need to know.

During this relationship, he grow me up a lot, this is a fact I can tell. I feel I'm not the previous Maggie that I used to be anymore. I learn to be more independence without LOVE.

After a phone talk, he requested to see me. It was a pleasure of course which we can talk face to face for the last night. It's weird for us to break up for the last second but when he saw me, the first thing he did was giving a tight hug towards me. I felt it's much secured than last time when we’d still in a relationship. Somehow, our relationship is gone, no more responsibility among us but still, our actions were maintaining the same as usual. We act like a couple but we don't have the couple's real meaning. I think, this is the best way for us that no more burdens between he and I. We compromise to stop moving on our relationship and finally, the broke up were done. I'd get out his car, end up our peaceful broke up day with the biggest hug…

I would never forget the moment when we broke up. It's the sweetest broke up that I've been ever. Peace and uncomplicated.

"What we want are actually the same. We want our best career opportunity more than everything. We couldn’t sacrifice anything for love. We’re selfish, we’re realistic, we want freedom, we want brighter future more than the sweetest love, we protect ourselves more than helping each other, we’ve own goals to achieve but not love, we survive for our own self but not each other. We hide our ugliest side and show off the best for each other. We’re just not acting the truth of us."
Because, we're just not so into each other.
In my opinion, I know he doesn’t love me that much and neither I. The relationship have actually lack of LOVE.

This is why I never have a drop of tear for him but not because that I'm strong enough.
The best way for us is being apart, to fully concentrate to achieve our own dreams.

I'm a self-seeking anyway.

Just Aim For the Target~

I saw him yesterday because I had to return him the auto-cleaner. W. T. F. I hate people disturbed me when I was asleep. I was really impolite to him, maybe this is what I just would done to him but not other. Actually, I had some kind of feeling towards him. Hate him and also feel so sorry to him. I am kind a bad person apparently. Sometimes people must be cold-blooded when there is necessary for you to do so. I’m sorry that I’m bad, I’m sorry about the thing I said to you but these are what I just can do to make your hurts recover faster. "Please don’t expect anything on me anymore because I was the one who destroyed our relationship. Don’t call me even if I cross your mind, this will just make you struggle on it. Just forget what my good was because I’m not that good as you thought actually."

People always exchange the character that they’ve done before to somebody.
I can truly understand and absolutely believe on this. The road was chosen by me, so I should take it seriously although I know it is not that easy. Some people love to take challenging and at the end, you either can get the best or the worst. The gamble is always like to make you addicted on it as long as you still have the affordable to stand for it.
And now, I’m doing all of this because my stubbornness and I extremely wanted to get the best instead of terrified for the worst. How dare I am to take this risks!
In my opinion, at least I’ve done for my choice but not given up in the half way. So, no matter what he told me, I just listen and keep in my mind. Although I know there have actually a lot of unreliability, I still keep a trust on you. Because sometimes I really think too much on that when I saw the fact.
So,
it is a good thing for me to not know anything but just only listen to him.
I should always turn a deaf ear.

Honestly, I felt I am really faked on doing all of this to you as actually I could don’t need to do so. Because I just clearly know, I do that purposely to get my target.
But anyway,
what my target is just you. However, I just scared after I got you, I would not be that faithful again. I wonder why I become so bad.
People said, you will do anything to your beloved one without any reason but I’m totally different! Now only I know, actually I’m doing something that is unnecessary. I just think of him when I know I need a guy. Oh my goosh.
I’m just such a…BIATCH~

Always be prepared!!

A boring public holiday again as I was being alone the whole day. He was busy on preparing his presentation slides and busy on caring about his younger sister’s relationship at 10pm something. I thought I could see him tonight but still my prediction was wrong again. We used to see each other every night but now, too many “things” happen suddenly. My believable to him is getting lesser and lesser; however, I am still being patient on observing and considering because I really don’t know what else I can do besides that.

I had asked a fortune-teller yesterday about my relationship, he asked me to keep it on and be patient no matter what happen. I am so afraid that I will get nothing in the end because I don’t even know what actually my feeling is. It’s just confusing and frightening as an illustration of gambling. Nevertheless, I decide to listen to the fortune-teller-- be patient.

Even so, I am blue right now apparently, express my feeling right here, thinking whether it is true and waiting for his reply.
I’m suspecting if I’ve been cheated but what else I can do?!!!
Sitting here, do nothing!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine the bad thing happen in our relationship—that’s an affair.

I would just,


Prepare for the worst.

Nothing else I can do

He just reached home at 4am after meeting with his boss at somewhere else. In fact, I was still not believed on the reason he gave me. As I say, nothing I can do. We hang up the phone after greeting each other a good night sleep. Suddenly, my phone rang at 5:49am with my message ringtone. I took it up and read through the message which was sent by him as I thought he had already felt asleep. It was absolutely sweet because he would miss me when he couldn’t get into his dream. At the same time, it changed my mind on what I was thinking just now was wrong and also this reminded me that I am still an important role inside his heart. I trust he was really met his boss just now but not other and also, I’m the only one for him!

Believe it or not?!

Lies? Affairs?

Look at the time now..

it's already early in the morning..

Christmas is over...

And also, I'm listening “it's over”..

I had been waiting for u the whole day and the whole night even a few days.

There are too many “unexpected” things happened suddenly.

I felt so disappointed on it

but

what I can do is- listen, wait and support.

The fact has placed in front of me; do I know what I am going to do?
I guess I know it clearly…..
Yes, I admit that I was so afraid and frustrated on this.

Should I be faithful to this relationship? Take it seriously? I...I don't even know. You’ve run out the reasons, given me a lot of excuses. I didn’t know whether it is true but finally I get the answer after observing by myself. I know I had already lost my trust on you. But, I’m still beside you and act nothing because I want to get back the one I want! This is so unfair to me so I must be the winner!

Because I want you and your heart always be there for me!!

If you're having an affair, I can forgive everything on what you've done if you tell me honestly.
At least, I'm not cheated and not buried inside the fact.
People will feel sympathy on my stupidity, but you have to know, this is the only way that I can stay beside you.

I will not let my heart open.

Beautiful lies, unbelievable, sweet talks, disappointed, unexpected are always there and perhaps, I can handle it.

I'm not that type to get my heart broken and also not that fragile to let my tears drown.

I hate myself.

Hate myself that why I figured out these?

Everything would be ok if I didn't know everything and just be the usual.

I used to be a faithful girl but in the end, I got have nothing, nothing at all!

I used to have an affair before, and then I get this revenge.

I know I were the bad girl before, and now I got all the symptoms!

Something reminded me;

I would still be the same and stay beside you because I know time can heal it..

I would turn a blind eyes on this...

Am I already been frozen in our relationship?!

When is my deadline?!

* sorry if I misunderstood you..