Love me no more

I never expect you to read my mind
but
you never wanted to listen to it...

I may be the one who make things bad..
but
you are the one who turn the circumstances even worst..

You never know me...
and
I can't barely feel your love...

If things don't improve,
I rather make my decision....
To stay here....

Do you listen to me?

如果我的期待是错的，那爱上我，也是一种错误

当事情变得有点僵硬，加上格性火爆的我，引起了我们之间的纠纷，在你心里，你只看见问题的出现在于谁对谁错。。。而对我而言，情侣之间的纠纷是因为我们其中一方不喜欢这样的我们，而自己希望我们可以是那样的。。。
结果，就会在争吵的时候，一直的狡辩，其实只希望最终要表达的还是讲出自己将来希望的我们。。。

若你非要注重对与错的看法而解说，
那我想说，爱上我，是一个错误。。。

Worry through an unknown

Had been plagued by something which is so indescribable since last night...
I never ever know how to express my true feeling as well as this time...
I can't figure out what I am worrying for...Perhaps, there's someone help me shed some light...

I honestly trust the one who I suppose to trust although it is not entirely since every circumstance might have excluded... At least I know I'm trusting the right person...
But,
what makes me frowned?
I ponder it deeply and then surrounded by one question..
Do I trust myself?
The confidence that a person suppose to have has inclined when it comes to an uncertainty..
when you can't know what everything is happening around...
when you feel like being buried deep down separately..
when you can't even find out what answer do you actually want...

Then you finally realize, it isn't a matter of anybody, it's a matter of your ownself..
My confidence to myself has faded because I couldn't find any reason to stop it as I consciously know anything can be happened just like a blink without any intention where there has no one fault...

"Goes with the flow just seem to be too lost for me..."

I hate walking with no direction...

Party Night with purpose?

It's time to post photos before I start my article with bunch of words..

Plainly, people go to club is just to rock their night..

However, there's a lot of people who go club with purpose..
Undoubtedly, you know what I'm talking..

Some people might have a thought that white skin will be the best for them to be their partner..
Will that just simply for fun to have an experience or to have a blast new to show off to your own people?
Indeed, showing off to others about the interracial relationship or a night-sleep ( you know what I mean) is obviously advertising owns lewd...

Love with long distance

"Holding on my love...Making me feel comfortable..
Finally, my thoughts weren't entirely intact..."

How does "love" works when your beloved one is staying far far away from you?

Somehow, people jump into the conclusion saying that the low possibilities of maintaining a long-distance relationship..Probably, ends up with a broken heart..
I wonder if the break up really related to the "long-distance"...
I'm not so sure tho, maybe there still contain some little tiny problems between them which accumulated day by day that caused the break up...Don't blame on long-distance~

Plenty Thoughts!

"A drama reflect my thinking, a flirting alert my changing..."



I just finished watching a Hong Kong Drama < 女人最痛〉.. It was a realist movie, and after watching it, I've plenty of thoughts in my mind... It's really express something from mine, I was thinking will I be like just in the drama... I haven't work in a society yet, but I couldn't make sure what I will be after that... It really brings me to think of the issues of personality and attitude... Being selfish, being realistic.. Is success need sacrifice?! 

As a Malaysian

To be honest, I never ever wanted to take any slightly interested on the political environment beyond my mind...Because I always believe that we've got a very good environment to live with for these 50 years.... I might be a little too naive on this kind of thinking, I prefer not to know what is actually going on tho....Because, Malaysia are always that beautiful that has been stored in my mind for these 20+ years, I hold this inheritable thought tightly until today...

When the hot topic of "racism" comes into the town, that has became a really popular culture right now, I never really wanted to analyze it...Because when the fact has already been exposed, you will automatically understand the truth that had hidden for such a long time....I never wanted to put myself in the hat, because I believe all of these are actually a rumor for those politician to flossing their power or whatever purposes...I believe that it will be just a temporary topic without any meaning, and this topic will never last long...."I hope my believable is true..."

As a student that study abroad, I feel proudly to tell others that, we come from Malaysia, and we're Malaysian....A lot of people agree and envy that, we can speak more than 2 or 3 languages... ^^ And, as a Malaysian Chinese, we never exclude Malay as our first main language, and we really chuffed to bits by being a Malaysian...We're willing to learn, to respect it and feel proud of it...

We love Nasi Lemak, we love Teh Tarik, we love Batik, we love P. Ramlee......
I believe, Malays do love Wong Fei Hong, Bruce Lee and so forth...
Because each of one another -- the Rakyat Malaysia, happy to live together...

However, the true background of these 50 years, who knows what actually had been happened? But we never take too much intention to any issues seriously, because we just want to live happily in a good society..

The concept of "1 Malaysia", I hope it can be meant by what it really wants to mean...
If it is just a "slogan" to put a mask for our country or a rhetoric for the people, then it could be awfully humiliate the meaning of this beautiful concept...

Don't waste too much time to keep away from the reality of the tribute,
it will be a regrettable remark...

(Article inspired by recent video from Youtube named"Malaysian Must see!!! Namewee 1Malaysia story!")

Malaysia is my home

Plan for christmas and new year trip~

I've been so crazy on finding those information about London's trip!! gossshh~ we have to plan for the accommodation, plan for the train ticket, plan for every every thing!!!! It really takes a lot of time to sort this out...and the bad new is, we still haven't plan for our trip for each day yet after we've just settled the hostel and train's tickets...

It took us two days to settle these two stuff!! Headache...
Seriously, this is the only first time I have to do a planning for a budget trip...Never done this before because I always just follow the majority in a trip..Unfortunately, this time will be only me and one of my friend...So, we gotta make all of this by our own self!! I seriously have no clue, end up, me and my friend are a little too tired on doing this...

I only realize that planning a trip are not that easy as we thought...It needs a tonnes of information, takes a lot time to make a good trip...

Let's give me some suggestions where to play in London...
ok~ I would have a really big shopping throughout the boxing days, and might use one more days to do extra digging! XD

Hopefully we can have a nice trip in London...

bless me babes!!

Love and Marriage

Someday I'd dreamed, how would the life change after a marriage? Instead of the responsibility, is there anything else that can make a lovely couple to have a maximum changes?

I never thought marriage is a must or a real thing that prove to love, I mean, for me, marriage is just a procedure that everyone will wish to experience once when they reach a certain age, especially girls... I used to think marriage is just for those who wants kids, who wants a family...I even used to think that marriage is just something that God creates to make people feel enrich in their rest of life, and also teach people how to love...

I never know how to define "marry" because I never try to understand it...
Until the day you told me the possibility, I ponder it deeply...However, thing never comes easily...I was like....believe it or not....Hence, I get into it but have to forbid myself to be so, entirely.... Because I still never put everything down, I'm still terrified, I still don't believe in fairy tale... But I'm just like, hoping so much that, I can believe that there have a Cinderella's prince or a snow white's man, inconsistency....

Anyway, no matter who is going to be your partner for your marriage, the one who'll be able to stand beside you, who is going to wear a ring on you, must be the one who loves you more than anyone does...That's the simplest basic thing that we do...But! In a realistic point of view, the one who will be able to be your husband, is the one who can afford a family, who will be take seri0us responsibility on this marriage, who loves you as much as loves your family and also, willing to be with you until end of the world.... He deserves to be a husband when only he gives happiness for his family and his wife but not suffering, in terms of financial support and any anything....

However, marriage is a big burden for a couple which bring them to the next level.... I can understand why a married man still can have an affairs even if he knows this is a maleficence, but I never agree that this can disentangle his pressure! WACK~~~
Same as a woman too...I can even more understand why a woman after marriage, her femininity will horribly drop to the bottom line even she knows this will harm the sensation...Too bad...~.~
But, when you figure it deeply about all the reason happened, woman feel no longer a girl anymore, man feel no longer a free man anymore....
Things change, life change, personalities change, unconditionally...The pros and cons, never been proportioned nicely...


Here, I have some article to share...Enjoy reading...

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谢谢你, 勾引我老公！

俗话说的好:
再好的鱼肉吃多了，也还是想尝尝大白菜的味道；再好的老

婆处久了，也还是想知道别的女人的风韵。
所以，如果你下了决心勾引我老公，而我老公也上钩了，我一点也不觉得奇怪。

　　我想感谢你，在许多个寂寞无聊的日子里陪伴着我老公。人真的很奇怪，会莫名其妙地在人群中感到孤独，会无缘无故地在黄昏的时候伤感，哪怕他衣食无忧，且有娇妻爱子相伴左右。孤独与拥有无关，每个人的心中总有一块处女地，任凭外面刮风下雨，都永远无法触摸得到。或许就差那么一点点，或许爱和感受就像病毒一样不断升级，就差那么一点点，你就永远找不到满足的感觉。

　　我知道，如果我温柔，他就会感受不到辣；如果我安静，他就会感受不到酸；如果我风骚，他就感受不到甜；如果我善良，他就感受不到苦。而我不想让他的感受有缺憾，不想让他在没有我的日子里忍受煎熬。

　　人生不能想，一想就流泪。我们有我们每个人的事业，只是为了更好的生存，我们不能天天在一起，我们不能时刻都让对方满意。在异地他乡，能有人陪他，也是我前世修来的福。我只是想让他的生活不痛苦不空白。距离产生的美反而让我们无法分开，他说他愿意在任何一个场合跟任何一个人说，老婆为我做了很多，我永远不会抛弃她。人说爱是自私的，可是爱也是高尚的，爱的最高境界不是占有，如果我爱他，我选择尽一切可能让他感觉幸福。

　　男人经不起诱惑，尤其是美丽女人的诱惑，我老公也是个凡人，经不起。仅美丽女人勾引我老公的过程就会让他的生活充满了色彩。不再那么苦闷。

　　也许他会感觉到对我的伤害，其实只要不以为这是伤害，它就不是伤害。他善意的隐瞒，隐瞒绝对不是欺骗，那就是他不想伤害我。我穷其一生追求的只是他对我的心意，不是任何一种内容和形式。如果你勾引了他，而他发现你就是他一生要找的另一半，我为什么非要横在中间？如果你不是，他终究会回到我的身边。我了解并能容忍他的任何一个致命的弱点，我们一起经历了风风雨雨的见证，有谁能像我一样始终站在他生命最低谷的边缘？


　 曾经看过一篇文章，写的特别实在，文章名字叫
《她现在能给你的，都是我十年前给过你的！》。


我正专心的看电视，他突然说：“我们离婚吧”。他很严肃，不象是跟我开玩笑。浮上我脑海的第一个念头是：他肯定抄股亏大了，或者是得了绝症，怕连累我。我坚决的摇头，油然而生一股要跟他共患难的豪情。

　　他的第二句话将我打入地狱：“我爱上别人了，对不起。”
　　“什么时候？”我努力沉住气。
　　“半年了，是旅行认识的，她是导游，很单纯，人又热情。”也许意识到自己赞美的词语用的过多，他刹住了，愧疚的看着我。
　　“有多爱？”“十分爱。”
　　我没有再问下去，问的太细只会让自己伤的更深，不如给自己留点颜面。

　　回忆跟他在一起的日子，我们很幸福。可是，既然人家已经喜新厌旧，我干吗死不放手呢？我长长吐了一口气：“一切就按你的意思办吧。有人能将你这个祸害从我身边领走，我真是感激不尽。”他惊讶的看着我，他知道我并不是一个心胸豁达的女人。

　　“其实我对你也有审美疲劳。”你把我看的轻如鸿毛，就别指望自己还是我心中的泰山。
　　他深感愧疚，决定把家里的一切留给我和孩子。离婚前，他约我一起吃饭，几杯酒下肚，他的话多了起来，他说，他希望得到我的祝福，他还主动说起那个女孩，她朝气蓬勃，跟她在一起，他有被点燃的感觉。想起自己曾经也年轻漂亮，朝气蓬勃，也曾经那样吸引他，我与那个，只是隔了十年的光阴，却被明显贴上了旧爱与新欢的标签。

　　“她很天真，一点小事也能让她感到满足，跟她去购物，抽奖得了一块香皂；带她去吃北京饺子；送她一块20元的电子表，给她买一个土渣儿饼......她都会欣喜若狂。跟她在一起，我很放松，我可以抽烟抽的屋子里一股烟味，我可以玩通宵麻将，跟朋友拼酒......”他陶醉在自己的幸福里，满眼的温柔。

　　而我，像所有的黄脸婆一样，精打细算，过问他每一笔开销，买双袜子都要货比三家。我不许他抽烟，禁止他喝酒，更反对他吆三喝四的赌博。

　　“和她在一起，我感觉心跳加速，干什么都充满力量。”他显然已有几分醉意。

　　我打断他：“从此以后，我不再是你的黄脸婆，不再是你不用支付工资的用人。我可以节省为你熨衣服配领带的时间，来打扮自己；我可以节省下为你买衣物的钱，给自己挑几件拿的出手的时装；我可以不用绞尽脑汁地搜索鱼的N种做法，不用讨好你的胃，想吃饭我就做，不想做饭，我可以带女儿去吃快餐；我可以不再担心你抽烟伤了肺，喝酒伤了肝；我不再为你洗吐的一塌糊涂的被单；不用在你醉了酒，睡在街边某个角落时，一边哭一边满大街的找；我可以不用再操心你老家的亲戚今天谁做寿，明天谁娶媳妇，不用再每个月给你爸妈寄生活费；不用每年跟你坐半天的车，提着大包小包走十多里山路，只为陪你父母吃顿年夜饭.....

　　是啊，离婚，真是太好了！”说完这些，我泪如泉涌，而他则楞楞的看着我，我一直都表现的很冷静，可是，一点酒精就把我的内心出卖了。三十多岁的女人，谁不在乎自己经营多年的婚姻？ 我又笑起来：“离吧，离了看你得意多久，你十分爱她是吧？她也十分爱你是吧？走到一起后，一起生活几年，看你还会不会见到她就心跳加速，她现在能给你的都是十年前我给过你的，你就折腾去吧！等你折腾够了就会发现，你只是把我们走过的路又重复走了一遍而已。” “你醉了？”他有些紧张的看着我。

　　“我没有天真单纯过吗？我没有年轻美丽过吗？我把你送的一只铜戒指、一本书、一枚书签视若珍宝，冒着严寒为你织手套。我也十分爱过，可是走进婚姻，女人的角色就复杂了，在爱的同时，有了很多责任。他不可能再十分专注的爱一个人，她要从这十分爱中分出一分爱公公婆婆，又要从中分出一分来爱自己的父母，还要从中分一分来爱孩子。十分的爱经过婚姻的洗礼，就只剩下了七分。当另一份十分的爱袭击她的幸福时，她就无以抵挡...”

　　最终，我们没有离婚，他改变了主意。他说我清醒的时候没有醉酒的时候理智，也没有醉酒的时候聪明...」

　　谢谢某人，勾引我老公。
　　谢谢某人，洒脱，解脱。

　　最近忙碌于很多事情，待到静下心回来的时候，我突然觉得，很多人很多事，我不再关注了，不再在乎了...

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"Everyone knows, every efforts you do, is just to create a happy family. Once you've created, please don't destroyed it easily...Because, once you'd destroyed, you gonna do it all over again with double works to create another one..." How many second chances or life you have? Think about it....




Things change accordingly to what you've done...

I still have plenty of thoughts

Appreciate you and me

The reason I blog today is because I've read someone's blog (http://gigikissu.blogspot.com) and really touch my heart.. Her bf was death....She took down every single moments of her and her bf...She wrote down the feeling that she want to express hardly.... I know, it's hard to get through all this....But she did it...she's strong, she's optimistic....She's the one who knows life...
Life goes on....

Seriously, after reading her blog, I've got a heavy impact...
She has assured the real love for me about-->
"no matter how far the distance is between a couple, the believe of love, the sincerity to each other, will make them closer... "Even if I'm a real realism, but still, I realize love..

I always worry about the day when I leave him, but I know that is a must for me...I don't mean to be selfish or realistic, but the opportunity of leaving cannot be waited...I choose to leave because I've been dreamed for years...Because I believe your love to me and mine neither...Because I know both of us will be waiting for each other.... At least, the chance of being together are still exist for both of us... There have always a "TRUST" to continue our journey...

As everyone knows, appreciate people around you, that's always the best thing to be done and believe...

When we hold our love tightly, love will not escape easily...
Our hard work, never betray us...
My real love, never lie to you...
And your love to me, I tattoo in my heart...

It's a test for our love

Birthday Wishes

I know I have a lot of wishes that currently cannot be achieved, yet I always hope that there have a miracle to make it comes true...I put all my expectation on you because you're the only one who I believe... I've been almost N years never truly celebrated my birthday with an unforgettable memories... That's why I expect so high on my 20th birthday because this time, I have you...

I expect you to read my mind, so that you know what kind of birthday I want to be...
I expect you to know what kind of birthday cake I wish to have...
I expect you to plan something special without my knowledge....
Every expectations that I made on you, is just my point-of-view...
I know, it's hard for you to figure it out...

Realistic I always be,I know it's ridiculous, but I know how to be optimistic and learn satisfactory...

Nothing is always that perfect but at least not disappointments...
I don't request luxury even if I really hope to get it...
But, what I want would be a good, romantic environment with only you and me...
I don't request to have a branded even if I'm so keen on it...
But, at least something can replace it even if it is just a cake...

The first time ever that I'm feeling that nervous for the coming day of tomorrow...
Perhaps, you catch my point...

Forgive and Forget

In evidence, every couple does have conflicts…Whereas, that might be a good way to get better understanding on each other… No matter how worst the condition is, forgive and forget are always the way to hold us tightly…

I know my fault, I apologized, I try to fix it up carefully as I used to be termagancy yet I’ve changed unconditionally because of you… This is the first time ever that I was trying so hard to cheer up a man, to be so femininity to him; I wasn’t that girl before… But to you, I know I couldn’t be the previous me anymore, as I know patience is a plaster to all sores… I don’t expect everything will be fine that immediately since that was my fault who turned this up, but I’d try my very best and which was the very best ever to hold you tight…

However, my effort didn’t work well or should say, apologize is no longer effective anymore… I turn my back and walk away because I was tired, whenever I done something that did not change anything… I need a silent space to blank my mind, to think who I am, to think what else I can do, to think how to make thing better, to think why I always would be the destroyer…

Whatever I did, whatever I try to do, I just hold one thought, that's LOVE…

I’ve seen the other side of mine that I can’t believe myself to be the one who never appeared in my life until I realized our love…. Indeed, I’m being the person that I never been in my whole life, so strange for me, yet so familiar…That’s me….That’s the one who love you so much and started to hate myself who usually done something wrong, but still, love my another side that being loved by you…

Apologize to gain forgiveness….

Forgive because of love…

Forget to show the impotency of love…

Lost my way

It's my pleasure that I lose something and I get something else instead...

God is fair enough,
"He gave you something that you'd desired for years,and also took away the thing from you that had already be with you for years..."
People will only realize,
When the time you received something, that's the time you'll lose something...
Thing will probably comes and goes...As life goes on...

For love ---
I've lost to be the past "me" because I know how bad I was before the moment when you kissed me... I realize it when I was sleeping alone, I know I need your shoulder to lie on... I don't mean that I'm good enough for now, I just know something have changed after you've entered my heart... You're the reason that I start all over again to know the real me...

For friendship ---
It used to be so familiar to me, so close and simple... But,I've lost in my friendship definition...I've lost something that had already accompanied me for years, but I know beautiful moment will fly as a butterfly... I couldn't find the soul of being a real friend anymore...I know, I've changed after making decision as I said, I mean it...
The so-called "friendship forever", you know, I know...

For Future ---
But somehow, I'm too conscious on what I want and I've forgotten the thing happen around me...I don't know what I would be change when I need to get something for my future and let something goes just for the future...
I'm frustrated when I see a stranger of me in the future who may be completely an evil or angel neither...

For Maggie ---
Inside of her own incredible world, she keeps everything that she learn everyday... Her realistic is her symbol but besides that, there have actually more than that which she herself hasn't been figured out yet... Being a realism, is her only way to keep herself conscious on finding her own way... She lost when she let something go, but then she lock herself in a tiny room to think which door should her open to continue her new journey...

_____________________________________________________





"I've lost but I never forget the way to enter your heart..."

Wherever I go, my soul would be with you...

Thing is actually better

The 1st day…

I’m still not sure what the feeling is but I’m pretty sure that we gotta make it work…
Similarly, my heartbeat was still jumping abnormal since this early in the morning… And, I am totally drawing a blank on how we’re going to face each other when we meet…I just don’t know what to do~~~blah blah blah!!! Because we used to be friend and just a night past, it's hard for us to change our action180 degree...
It's kinda awkward...
Be naturally is the best I guess… Naaaaah~~~

Sometimes, we just don’t jump to the conclusion too fast because you’ll never know what would happen mentally and break the chain that you always thought it should be in a very few seconds…

Sometimes, in the physical world, it might just look so "thing-should-be-like-this" always but, our mental is hard to control especially in LOVE stuff…Because the feel will always change until it find the right place to rest…
Yet, you’ll realized, the truth feeling will never lie~

Sometimes, thing will never goes well like what you've thought, but it maybe goes even better!!

If it is possible, just make it happen~

We'll never let the time pass with nothing!!

You make a change for me...

Dare not or Don't?

I thought I would be in a very good sleep this morning, but I suddenly become so conscious to think what's happening to me... Then, I can't fell asleep anymore.
I read his blog yesterday, I wonder how this would be... The differences between a pair of friend and lover... The dare not to love or don't love question, he wrote... I don't know who he was writing but the symptoms are so alike...
I am always surrounding in this circle, drawing a blank on don't love or dare not to love...

I read his blog again this morning, recall the things happen in these few weeks ago, it was great and simple... Isn't it? We don't make it complicated, we don't think too much... But, it doesn't seem like what we always done... The Feeling, I don't know how to describe, and so do you, we have no clue...

I always tell myself, I have a long long journey to go, I have various of people I need to know, I have plenty of dreams to accomplish... I plan for everything... My future, my studies, my money, my everything include I don't love... But still, I miss out something... I thought friends around me will always be that simple to hang out and having fun together... In fact, it doesn't seem like this...I miss out something, carelessly...

Yes, we've thinked too much...everything is just an imagination.... Everything is just for us to escape from being lonely, and to find someone to be our partner...
It is all about loneliness which has make us lost...

Like usual, I always tell myself, I don't love because I don't know what it is...

• When I know what love actually is, it never be that beautiful anymore...

• When I don't know what love actually is, it always looks like a mystery and you'll never know when you will fall for it...

• When I know what love actually is, it draws me like a stupid...

• When I don't know what love actually is, it simply because I never dare to step on it...

Some little thing happened yesterday, I thought the man is sincere to his gf, but he doesn't know the love's distriction... Eventhough it was not a fault, it might cause serious sadness...
It's no longer the first time anymore, I see the ugly truth agaaaiiiin!!!
Sometimes,
I wonder if a girl doesn't know the truth,
Is this call lucky?
or stupid?

"When I CLEARLY know what love actually is, it becomes a terror..."

If it is possible, let's make it happen

Stop the old one, and let the new one comes toward you~

Initially, everything go well in these few weeks. In spite of the exam period, my daily routines still have done as usual. Nevertheless, when sometimes I couldn’t focus on my revision, a lot of minds would suddenly pop up.

I’ve made my decision since my previous article to stop everything that I felt it is not suppose to be continued. And my decision was strong because at the same time, my mind has totally changed because I found out something that important for our entire life. My friend was right, I should stop this to let the new things come toward me.

Even though we’ve been gone through this, it doesn’t mean we gonna finish it. It is not necessary to be completed due to the pointless result that both of us know clearly.

When the other party doesn’t have the intention to stop it, I will stop it, because enough is never quit enough. It’s even worst if we don’t know “what’s enough”.

Well, things around me have been changed, I mean, I step in a different environment and start to view the different point. Everything which has been happened and over, it could make a change for us. "No matter the change is physically or mentally, I’m still holding my philosophies, tightly and gracefully."

When decision has made, I mean it.

Recently, I’ve received one video from my friend which I’ve uploaded on my Facebook as well. It is full of meaning with “everyone has their own love story which directed by themselves”. Story begins with how you treat people as whether in a good attitude or bad one. Story begins with how you handle your relationship and how you think love as.

And of course, I’ve truly considered what my character is in the love story. Then, I finally realized it had never been so serious since I started to live in the new environment last time. But now, it had past.

In fact, everything is just a lesson or a procedure for me to grow up and see through the real thing in the real world.

"I opened up my heart, see through the one who really live in, yet, a smile hang up on my face. I digest everything that stored in my mind, and read through the real me again, then I finally know, thing should be like this."

My first new ring might be a good start.

The Changing

During the exam period, I admitted that I didn’t really pay lot of efforts on it. It doesn’t seem like the same motivation that I had for the last semester. I don’t know why my motivation has gone and study for meaningless.
I would like to blog here to express myself tho’, express my boringness on reading “nothing special” subject, memorizing those “useless for your future” stuff.

Anyhow, the main purpose is to post my actual thinking for today…
Something happened today as usual, yet I realized that I’m sick on it aaagggaaaiiinn. My satisfaction has been declined and I can’t feel any passion on it anymore. I didn’t enjoy it at all as what I had done before. It was totally different feeling compare to last time that I did!!
"It seems lack of “something”, and the “thing” is actually didn’t exist since we started this."
At the beginning, I didn’t care about “it” because people always search for excitements. But now, I suddenly feel that “it” has become an essential on doing this.
Without “it”, the game is boring.
Without “it”, the game is meaningless.
Without “it”, the game is still a GAME.

Or should say something obvious, my playfulness has gone, I’m sick and bored on playing this, is it a time for me to find a stable life with a stable "him"? WOW~~ Sounds funny anyway~ LOL.

Anyhow, I don’t really think of it but the situation might look slightly alike, due to the incident that I dreamt for these several nights… The dreams were so real but in real life, it just too impossible. "The dreams' story weren’t same every time but the message to be delivered is obviously same. "
I guess, there would have some clues in the dream. It was a good dream honestly, but it just looks too unbelievable. I don’t know why, I just feel it is so impossible to be happened. Therefore,
I don’t give any expectation on it because I’ve locked my heart.
Stop entering in those relationship stuffs,
because I don’t know when I can learn how to love,
and
I don’t know when I can walk out the terror from being hurt.

I can only realize LOVE, if someday my love has been aroused.

Everything might have a change~

Learn to say "NO"

"People tend to do something that they think it is just alright, but it's actually wrong and definitely, they themselves know about their fault..." Yes, I know about it...

Things around, always remind me " you should stop all of this, you don't deserve these kind of conditions..." Yea...I know...I should deserve better instead of doing such "temporary have fun" things and get nothing at all..Listen up, it's nothing benefit me at all~!

Unfortunately, I don't know how to keep it back anymore...My playfulness has betrayed me until I can't find a way to stop it...I consciously know, we couldn't turn all of this back...Lies, insincere are always out there between us...
"I enjoyed the so-called "wrong" moment, yet feel bad on my enjoyable..."
How sad it is on being such a person like me!! Isn't that funny huh??!!

Everytime I tell myself, don't do the same wrongdoings again, eventhough it doesn't hurt me, it might be in someday. I myself don't even know why I am doing these...Imagine the worst thing happen to me if I still never learn how to say "NO", I clearly understand how life will be going on to me...

I can live alone without anyone no matter how bad the condition is, I really did before and now, I'm living so too...But, "my strength on being a good person seems to be faded away..."Should say, I've chosen to be the bad one...
I broke my promise, and still standing at the same point, never step forward, never learn how to say "NO" to the wrongdoings...

These can be the lonely days, and it's hard to know who's on my side most of the time...Friends around me are always so supportive, but sometimes it just couldn't be satisfied...
Because I never learn how to say "NO" to the incoming fun wrongdoings.

Is there anybody else to make a change for me? Hopefully, there has a place for me to be a good one, to have a stable life, to live and share happiness with someone I love... The one I love, is still staying far far away from me...And since I step in my current life, I do everything just to achieve my dreams, and so, I forget to see those people around me...I'm just blind on seeing people around me because in my eyes, there has only money, life styles, success exist...
"Yes, the realistic of me still never been changed and it seems getting worst until I don't know how to say 'NO' to them..."

Enjoy my wrongdoings, so I only get the wrong thing...
Since when I can learn how to say "NO" to the wrongdoings, to get a good thing I've ever dream for?? Since when....

Home Alone

Mummy and Daddy are having a date at Genting and so, the little poor girl has to stay alone in home....YAWN~ I want party~!!!!!T.T..

I'm bored here but there have actually a lot of assignments are waiting on me~! LOLxx.... hmmmm...That' s why, I try to control myself very well to prevent not to go any event or party tonight~! Yes~!! GOING OUT IS PROHIBITED!!! aaarrrhhhhggggg~~ HELP~!!!!!



I gotta do my web page design assignments and my business communication presentation which can simply choose any title that we like~...WHOOOHOOO...By the way, I'm wondering what interesting and suitable title should I choose to get the attention from my lecturer??? hmmmm...Any idea??



I've got lot of thing to do in my wish list currently...but they seem couldn't be complete yet..it's all about financial problem should say... gosshhh~~!!!!

1stly, I gotta dye my hair!

2nd, I want new dress since I've been a while never restock my closet...

3rd, give me more time so that I can go my facial treatment!!!

4th, choreograph a new dance for DISASTER.

5th, cool high heel searching is on da way!!!

and blah blah blah~



What else? This coming Monday I might have an interview to get a part time promoter job... Honestly, it is not an emergency job needed for me, but it's just....FOR FUN!! haha..

Maybe it's a good chance for me to know same hot guy? XD haha...sounds so biatch huh!~

Anyway, it's better for me to earn extra income so that I can buy extra dress to satisfy my fulfillment~!! HIAK HIAK!! And of course, know some hot guys!!! hahahahaha...

Hey~Say cheers to my assignments~!! XD

Randomly~

It's been a while I never update my blog, but hey!!! ladies and gentlemen, I'm here again!!! LOL

There have nothing special happened on me which my life still goes on with full of inspirations...lol...That's why, there have no updated post in my bloggie...It might be a good thing for me, it just lack of a lil' rumors around me... ( At least it is not full of sorrow!!)
That's even better, isn't it? hehe

I've posted an article on the previous post which was talking about LOVE between my friends...Regarding to their LOVE story, I notice that I'm just so lucky although I know I am lonely sometimes...Not frequently as well~! At least, I live happily in the single status, have fun on every bits of my current life...I mean it as I've the remain time to do whatever I like which not anybody can enjoy it tho~!

But I always would be the listener to one of my friends after they decided to only be FRIEND...And this was the 1st time I saw a guy crying in front of me, I was shocked but at least, I can accompany him...Whereby, things would be over, tears would dry as your love will getting less and lesser on her...I guess, this could be a good decision for both of them...
However, I've got a "not-so-good" feeling, seems like their story will not simply end just like this!! Sometimes, our thoughts just too subjective I guess....

During the weeks, I'm absolutely too freedom since I'm fully enjoying my single life now...And I'm unconditionally relax myself with no pressures and no worries! chillax here~! ^^V


Everything will be ok if you've found your own way to cheer~!