My 20th

Goooossshhh~!! I'm now with the age start with 2!!!
Alright, I know age cannot lie as I've grown up with no longer a teen...
Time, words and opportunity, this 3 thing that gone - will never come back...
Appreciate- is only what we can do...
Well prepared and proper planning are always the tools to ready for the incoming opportunity and success...

For sure, I've made wishes for the best evolution for myself in the 20th...
Doing thing with a good reason that can result a good future are always the best thing ever...Wishes can be done easily but it doesn't mean it can be achieved with a blank hand...Day-dreaming are always awfully stupid~!!!

Thus, I make a wish not to be the stupid-dumb-ass...XD

One of my birthday wish had come true on the exactly day...Which is celebrated my birthday with my love one...
Despite of not having a blast one, I was feeling touch enough to have such a warm birthday...
Nah~ I still have to remain the blast one for my 21 birthday!!! hahahaha..

My birthday was clearly depicted on these photos...

My dearest dancing's friends!

Present from my dear^^

Dinner in Little Cottage..

Birthday Wishes

I know I have a lot of wishes that currently cannot be achieved, yet I always hope that there have a miracle to make it comes true...I put all my expectation on you because you're the only one who I believe... I've been almost N years never truly celebrated my birthday with an unforgettable memories... That's why I expect so high on my 20th birthday because this time, I have you...

I expect you to read my mind, so that you know what kind of birthday I want to be...
I expect you to know what kind of birthday cake I wish to have...
I expect you to plan something special without my knowledge....
Every expectations that I made on you, is just my point-of-view...
I know, it's hard for you to figure it out...

Realistic I always be,I know it's ridiculous, but I know how to be optimistic and learn satisfactory...

Nothing is always that perfect but at least not disappointments...
I don't request luxury even if I really hope to get it...
But, what I want would be a good, romantic environment with only you and me...
I don't request to have a branded even if I'm so keen on it...
But, at least something can replace it even if it is just a cake...

The first time ever that I'm feeling that nervous for the coming day of tomorrow...
Perhaps, you catch my point...

Forgive and Forget

In evidence, every couple does have conflicts…Whereas, that might be a good way to get better understanding on each other… No matter how worst the condition is, forgive and forget are always the way to hold us tightly…

I know my fault, I apologized, I try to fix it up carefully as I used to be termagancy yet I’ve changed unconditionally because of you… This is the first time ever that I was trying so hard to cheer up a man, to be so femininity to him; I wasn’t that girl before… But to you, I know I couldn’t be the previous me anymore, as I know patience is a plaster to all sores… I don’t expect everything will be fine that immediately since that was my fault who turned this up, but I’d try my very best and which was the very best ever to hold you tight…

However, my effort didn’t work well or should say, apologize is no longer effective anymore… I turn my back and walk away because I was tired, whenever I done something that did not change anything… I need a silent space to blank my mind, to think who I am, to think what else I can do, to think how to make thing better, to think why I always would be the destroyer…

Whatever I did, whatever I try to do, I just hold one thought, that's LOVE…

I’ve seen the other side of mine that I can’t believe myself to be the one who never appeared in my life until I realized our love…. Indeed, I’m being the person that I never been in my whole life, so strange for me, yet so familiar…That’s me….That’s the one who love you so much and started to hate myself who usually done something wrong, but still, love my another side that being loved by you…

Apologize to gain forgiveness….

Forgive because of love…

Forget to show the impotency of love…

My Christmas

First of all, I would like to shout out to everyone
MERRY CHRISTMAS...
(Because I missed the chance to yell it out on time!!!)

Well, every girls wish to have a great, peaceful, romantic Christmas Eve with their loves one,
so do I... I prepared myself early after my class...(When a girl pay much effort on making up herself nicely, this simple means how much she'd care the date..)

Since I never truly celebrate a very nice Christmas before (especially with the loves one), I was paying so much expectations on this time X'mas Eve...

I expected him to bring me to somewhere to have a fantastic yet romantic dinner..
I expected him to plan something special or something that can surprise me on the Eve...
I expected both of us can have a very unforgettable countdown day even if only he and I...
(As you know, how much I'd like those parties!)
Expectation always just like a sweet dreams.. It makes you feel so real but its actually did not happen...
I was so excited to see him, but he was in serious sick...
We went out to have dinner, but end up with a little conflict yet cover it up with the "nothing-happen" situation...

Honestly, I was in tempered that time but I can truly understand the situation...
Sometimes, a lot of thing cannot be spoken by words as I myself don't even know what I should do...
Every single thoughts running around my minds, I can clearly read them but I couldn't open my voice and speak them out... I almost burst my tears that time but I was trying so hard to control myself, if not, tears would ruin my make up...T.T

Finally, we decided where to go..
But, I really can't enjoy myself without you...
Arrhh~~~...I don't know what to do that time....I was panic, I was really drawing a blank...What I could do for you is just staying beside you....
And end up, we had porridge together...
That's my Christmas Eve!!

I know you'd use your fragile energy to hug me and give me a Christmas kiss...
I've been touched blissfully...

*************************************************************

The next day, 25th of Dec 2009..
We'd a one day Penang trip...
T.T
What a waste...

I don't care, you must return me my Christmas Eve!

Sorry

I know i was wrong...I messed up the thing...When I try to fix it up, it doesn't work because it was too late... I didn't apologize because I know there is no longer useful... I try to calm your emotion, but the words you spoke had cut my heart...
I dropped my tears silently, because I don't want to let you feel that I was annoying...

I know I'm imperfect for u, the marks had deducted...That's a huge mistakes that I ever did... My personality in your mind have been decreased seriously...Besides apologize, I don't know what to do instead...

I hate myself, hate the one who always mess thing up even when I know thing shouldn't be like that... I hate my tears, when I know tears don't mean anything...

I hope I can be somebody else, to have a big changes of myself..I rather become another person...To gain back the 50 marks...

I hope your knife can straightly cut off my heart, cut it deadly, so that I don't have any feel on it anymore....Yet, I'm dead to see and feel anything....

Lost my way

It's my pleasure that I lose something and I get something else instead...

God is fair enough,
"He gave you something that you'd desired for years,and also took away the thing from you that had already be with you for years..."
People will only realize,
When the time you received something, that's the time you'll lose something...
Thing will probably comes and goes...As life goes on...

For love ---
I've lost to be the past "me" because I know how bad I was before the moment when you kissed me... I realize it when I was sleeping alone, I know I need your shoulder to lie on... I don't mean that I'm good enough for now, I just know something have changed after you've entered my heart... You're the reason that I start all over again to know the real me...

For friendship ---
It used to be so familiar to me, so close and simple... But,I've lost in my friendship definition...I've lost something that had already accompanied me for years, but I know beautiful moment will fly as a butterfly... I couldn't find the soul of being a real friend anymore...I know, I've changed after making decision as I said, I mean it...
The so-called "friendship forever", you know, I know...

For Future ---
But somehow, I'm too conscious on what I want and I've forgotten the thing happen around me...I don't know what I would be change when I need to get something for my future and let something goes just for the future...
I'm frustrated when I see a stranger of me in the future who may be completely an evil or angel neither...

For Maggie ---
Inside of her own incredible world, she keeps everything that she learn everyday... Her realistic is her symbol but besides that, there have actually more than that which she herself hasn't been figured out yet... Being a realism, is her only way to keep herself conscious on finding her own way... She lost when she let something go, but then she lock herself in a tiny room to think which door should her open to continue her new journey...

_____________________________________________________





"I've lost but I never forget the way to enter your heart..."

Wherever I go, my soul would be with you...

Kikko

The first time I meet Kikko today...
The first time I help a puppy take bath ( I was actually standing there, XD)...
The first time I see him, taking care of her puppy, Kikko...His action had truly touched my heart...
The first time I see him scold Kikko, he seems like scolding a baby, it's warm...

I feel warm and blissful when looking his action on how he treat his puppy... It makes me feel like, he is a real good daddy... The way he talked to Kikko, the way he clean up Kikko, they way he played with Kikko, I can feel his love and kindness thoroughly. I like to see him taking care on Kikko... It's really warm my heart....

Kikko was so afraid when seeing her daddy leave her alone... I might too strange to her yet, that's why she scared... She cried and I almost shed my tears for her frustration. I kept on comforting her but it was useless, I yelled to her daddy, asking him to come out as fast as possible....

Through out the day, I can feel even deeply on my love to him... I can't stop thinking of him even if he is just beside me....

...Part of my life...

Thanks

The day will come, as the fact is already started two months ago.... I can see through your words that you actually do still care on it even though you'd given up, obviously...

What's the actual feeling of yours? Sad? Disappointed? Numb? or Regret?
I don't know if the words are truly sincere from your heart, or just expressing it to stable your emotion....I know I shouldn't care about that since it's no longer my concern, but I used to be your good listener and his neither... Yet, and finally, thing turns up unexpectedly... I know you will be shocked when knowing the truth that has already happened so sudden... The unexpected thing can simply change just a blink which is so unconditional...
"When something was belong to you on the last second, doesn't mean it will not belong to others at the next second..."In fact, was you the one who loosen your hand to let it go...

Frankly, I can feel it deeply about your true feeling through your action and words...Wishes from your heart, I would like to give hundred of thankful.
But somehow, it's actually impact my emotion tho~ As I know the day on facing this problem will come, and it's really make me feel so insecure...I don't mean to not believe in anyone else, just the behavior of myself, the lack of confidence, the terror of losing someone who I just started to let him enter my heart....
But I know consciously that LOVE is just between he and I...

Anyhow, the decision you made, had given us a big changes...

~He and I know that~