Your own way...

Instead of finding the way to have a happy life, I always keep positive mind on staying happily...

I never find hard to know how would our relationship be because I believe that our determination will never lie...

I have a simple happy life, because I hold tight on believing in my expectation, my expectation bring up a meaningful life to me, that's why I love my life.....An expectation wouldn't be made up by one person, but with another one who willing to build this up together with you...
I found a person who give me my expectation...And also who might break my expectation and turn into disappointment...

"Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way...And everything will be fine...."
I listen to the music, telling me that everything will be fine when you've your own way to go...

Even if we always need to prepare the so-called "plan B" once your "plan A" couldn't be worked...I understand there will have some issues that might block our way....But, I never think of our "Plan B" because this is NOT a business...It is our relationship...It's ours...

Once you don't believe in your own expectation, that's become a disappointment...
You're the one who decide your destiny...
You and me are the one who decide our destiny...

Once you never believe in yourself, I will also lost my trust on our destiny...

I remain silence because I don't even want to think a bare possibility...

You're the one who decide yes or no

He miss me, and so do I

It's 5AM, 24th of September in Malaysia's time...
He probably has walked inside a sweet dream...
I suddenly feel a motivation that push me to read his mind, and I did...
When I read every single word, my tears drop easily...

"Dear", that I love to call usually, this little single word has always melt my heart when I call it out.. I love to call you as my Dear, because you're the only one who has this privilege to be...

There's a moment I shed my tears on reading your mind, when I know you have million thoughts on me, and so do I...Especially when you listed out the moments when we were together, I....realizes every moments that we'd been together, it's so much fun and memorable, and it deserves to be remembered and appreciated...

When we went to cinema together,
when I ordered a bunch of food to taste, and finally you were the one who need to eat all of it...
when I help you to pop out your blackheads or pimples...
when I say which shoes or pants that you need to match with...

I hope I can do it all these again for thousands time or even million times...
I believe I can surely do these to you again and you will probably waiting for the moments although it is just a simple action...

During the period that both of us without each other, I realized that the love from me to you has increasing day by day...I'm sure you're the one who ever walk into my heart, whoever makes me so crazy in love to you...

During the moment when we're not besides to each other, I'm happy to hear from you that you're enjoying this current moments that you've someone for you to think of....And, there have someone is missing on you at the same time...You and me are not struggling on separating, in contrast, we're enjoying this to fill up better memories for the next moment, to brighten up the moment when we met, and when the moment we'll hand-in-hand again...



You will be my Dear forever who is irreplaceable...
And I believe, I will never leave you again..^^

"我真的好想你！没人陪我看戏

没人跟我按黑头`

回来后别想再离开我

不会再让你离开我！

DEAR想你！" quoted..

There have nothing to describe besides LOVE

Departures

12th September 2010

10.10PM (M'sia)

(Ignore my pale face since no even foundation or any make for 16hrs flight!)

It’s time for me to fly, to leave Malaysia for one year….When I walked down the departures counter, I didn’t hug anyone of them…My parents, my brothers and my beloved dear….Because I didn’t want to make anyone sheds any tears for me….I keep in mind, it is just a short journey, everyone can see me after few months later….It’s not a big deal, it doesn’t take a long time for us to separate, that's why we don't need a hug…And, yes…I walked inside after seeing my dear again, and I can read his eyes…We want hug but we didn’t, and I decided not to do so because I scared to drop my tears…And I turn around, keep in mind that everything will be alright, it takes a short months to go…

13^th September 2010

12:56PM (M'sia)

6.45AM (Amsterdam)

I’ve reached Amsterdam Schiphol airport safely…I’ve been in the flight from KL to Amsterdam for almost 12 hours….It was not a good slept for me as you can’t even laid down properly but at least when I wake up, it was almost there.. By the way, I’m now sitting alone, typing down all my feeling of being alone down here, waiting for my next transit flight to Newcastle after one hour later….I’m not afraid but I feel it would be nice if I have friends be with or my parents together, it would be even nicer if my dear stay beside...I tried to SMS him by using my Hotlink, and it works….I’ve started to miss him…

15.10PM (M'sia)

08.55AM (Newcastle)

Here I am in Newcastle...I'm excited to see how the city looks like for me to stay within this few months...And, yeah, it's a very good study environment over here...Looks green, looks peace...
There have free service from my University to bring us to our own accommodation...Once I reach, I quickly done my internet service, when I online, I saw him has already waiting for me...The time is just so accurate for both of us to meet in skype...I feel pleased when listening on his voice...Feeling like he is just around me...^^

Grown Up through Competition

My blog was death for such a long time, I've abandoned it for several months...OooOPS

I used to post any of my lifestyles in my blog long time ago with my true feeling and thinking that store in my mind, I would like to explode it out through my little bloggie...

Well, of course, for this time, I've plenty of mind that I need to express it out all the way...

Ok...Before the few weeks ago, I thought I'd figure out what all the wrongs that I'd ever made for my dance crew in terms of synchronization, choreography and etc....But, in fact, it seems a little worse off after I'd change something...I guess I'd missed out something very basic for my dance team....I might force them too hard to do something which exceed their ability, or I'd forget to guide them in foundation...I bring them fly when they didn't know how to walk, because I always thought they will find out when they get enough experiences....I guess this would be the biggest mistake that cause the result into up-side-down way...

For the reason I lose it, because I might be too much dependable and I might be too keen on learning from stars.... I never thought and I never even want to learn from people who I never heard before even if public agree that he/she is great....There have plenty of chance for me last few weeks, but I missed it because I think there have something more important than it which is the family...But, honestly, for the last time of me, I would probably learn any anything that I could even if there have plenty of blocks....I wonder, when I become such out of aspiration....I guess, because the days that I'm in Malaysia has been decreased day by day....
That's why I lost it, that's why I missed it..

I'm awake from that, the terms of originality is no longer that important as long as there have a modify, as long as you dance with full heart... And, I keep on watching their video, I ponder it deeply on the way they step up....I saw full effort, I saw their growth, maturity and confidence which not just build in last minutes....Besides, I consider mine one, and I know it's not because of choreography or synchronization, it's because lack of soul....Where are the soul gone? and, How could I lead them to find their own soul?

Other than that, I finally realize that, when it comes to effort, it comes with luck...
And, I finally understand why they keep on changing their name...



I am awake from this competition....

I remember every effort that we did

Directions

I've been setting up my path before I step on it for years ago...I always hope my expectation will just go on smoothly, I put my faith into it....

I've been hoping for years, to wait for the right time, to start my real journey... But, when it is the time, I only realized that, I'm the only person who think it is right, who think this should be, who knows my way is going to disappear, entirely. It's been so hard for me to bring everything down and construct another way.... Yet, I only know I can't start all this by my own, just only me to start my own journey... This is awfully stupid when your own journey cannot be done by oneself, it's even worse when your thoughts are clarity that you're actually lack of ability to step on, and just like that...

I feel foolish, I feel helpless, I feel imma useless....

You have the path, but you will still need someone to bring you up....
It's not only myself to be with...
And, it's cut me down entirely to destroy the hopes that I build by myself.....


The disagreement should be done before I do....Unless I still hadn't build my first path.....
But, until I've completed, I only know I'm right here with only one person alone who can't do anything else.... Who stupidly waiting for the hopes.....

Love and Marriage

Someday I'd dreamed, how would the life change after a marriage? Instead of the responsibility, is there anything else that can make a lovely couple to have a maximum changes?

I never thought marriage is a must or a real thing that prove to love, I mean, for me, marriage is just a procedure that everyone will wish to experience once when they reach a certain age, especially girls... I used to think marriage is just for those who wants kids, who wants a family...I even used to think that marriage is just something that God creates to make people feel enrich in their rest of life, and also teach people how to love...

I never know how to define "marry" because I never try to understand it...
Until the day you told me the possibility, I ponder it deeply...However, thing never comes easily...I was like....believe it or not....Hence, I get into it but have to forbid myself to be so, entirely.... Because I still never put everything down, I'm still terrified, I still don't believe in fairy tale... But I'm just like, hoping so much that, I can believe that there have a Cinderella's prince or a snow white's man, inconsistency....

Anyway, no matter who is going to be your partner for your marriage, the one who'll be able to stand beside you, who is going to wear a ring on you, must be the one who loves you more than anyone does...That's the simplest basic thing that we do...But! In a realistic point of view, the one who will be able to be your husband, is the one who can afford a family, who will be take seri0us responsibility on this marriage, who loves you as much as loves your family and also, willing to be with you until end of the world.... He deserves to be a husband when only he gives happiness for his family and his wife but not suffering, in terms of financial support and any anything....

However, marriage is a big burden for a couple which bring them to the next level.... I can understand why a married man still can have an affairs even if he knows this is a maleficence, but I never agree that this can disentangle his pressure! WACK~~~
Same as a woman too...I can even more understand why a woman after marriage, her femininity will horribly drop to the bottom line even she knows this will harm the sensation...Too bad...~.~
But, when you figure it deeply about all the reason happened, woman feel no longer a girl anymore, man feel no longer a free man anymore....
Things change, life change, personalities change, unconditionally...The pros and cons, never been proportioned nicely...


Here, I have some article to share...Enjoy reading...

___________________________________________________________

谢谢你, 勾引我老公！

俗话说的好:
再好的鱼肉吃多了，也还是想尝尝大白菜的味道；再好的老

婆处久了，也还是想知道别的女人的风韵。
所以，如果你下了决心勾引我老公，而我老公也上钩了，我一点也不觉得奇怪。

　　我想感谢你，在许多个寂寞无聊的日子里陪伴着我老公。人真的很奇怪，会莫名其妙地在人群中感到孤独，会无缘无故地在黄昏的时候伤感，哪怕他衣食无忧，且有娇妻爱子相伴左右。孤独与拥有无关，每个人的心中总有一块处女地，任凭外面刮风下雨，都永远无法触摸得到。或许就差那么一点点，或许爱和感受就像病毒一样不断升级，就差那么一点点，你就永远找不到满足的感觉。

　　我知道，如果我温柔，他就会感受不到辣；如果我安静，他就会感受不到酸；如果我风骚，他就感受不到甜；如果我善良，他就感受不到苦。而我不想让他的感受有缺憾，不想让他在没有我的日子里忍受煎熬。

　　人生不能想，一想就流泪。我们有我们每个人的事业，只是为了更好的生存，我们不能天天在一起，我们不能时刻都让对方满意。在异地他乡，能有人陪他，也是我前世修来的福。我只是想让他的生活不痛苦不空白。距离产生的美反而让我们无法分开，他说他愿意在任何一个场合跟任何一个人说，老婆为我做了很多，我永远不会抛弃她。人说爱是自私的，可是爱也是高尚的，爱的最高境界不是占有，如果我爱他，我选择尽一切可能让他感觉幸福。

　　男人经不起诱惑，尤其是美丽女人的诱惑，我老公也是个凡人，经不起。仅美丽女人勾引我老公的过程就会让他的生活充满了色彩。不再那么苦闷。

　　也许他会感觉到对我的伤害，其实只要不以为这是伤害，它就不是伤害。他善意的隐瞒，隐瞒绝对不是欺骗，那就是他不想伤害我。我穷其一生追求的只是他对我的心意，不是任何一种内容和形式。如果你勾引了他，而他发现你就是他一生要找的另一半，我为什么非要横在中间？如果你不是，他终究会回到我的身边。我了解并能容忍他的任何一个致命的弱点，我们一起经历了风风雨雨的见证，有谁能像我一样始终站在他生命最低谷的边缘？


　 曾经看过一篇文章，写的特别实在，文章名字叫
《她现在能给你的，都是我十年前给过你的！》。


我正专心的看电视，他突然说：“我们离婚吧”。他很严肃，不象是跟我开玩笑。浮上我脑海的第一个念头是：他肯定抄股亏大了，或者是得了绝症，怕连累我。我坚决的摇头，油然而生一股要跟他共患难的豪情。

　　他的第二句话将我打入地狱：“我爱上别人了，对不起。”
　　“什么时候？”我努力沉住气。
　　“半年了，是旅行认识的，她是导游，很单纯，人又热情。”也许意识到自己赞美的词语用的过多，他刹住了，愧疚的看着我。
　　“有多爱？”“十分爱。”
　　我没有再问下去，问的太细只会让自己伤的更深，不如给自己留点颜面。

　　回忆跟他在一起的日子，我们很幸福。可是，既然人家已经喜新厌旧，我干吗死不放手呢？我长长吐了一口气：“一切就按你的意思办吧。有人能将你这个祸害从我身边领走，我真是感激不尽。”他惊讶的看着我，他知道我并不是一个心胸豁达的女人。

　　“其实我对你也有审美疲劳。”你把我看的轻如鸿毛，就别指望自己还是我心中的泰山。
　　他深感愧疚，决定把家里的一切留给我和孩子。离婚前，他约我一起吃饭，几杯酒下肚，他的话多了起来，他说，他希望得到我的祝福，他还主动说起那个女孩，她朝气蓬勃，跟她在一起，他有被点燃的感觉。想起自己曾经也年轻漂亮，朝气蓬勃，也曾经那样吸引他，我与那个，只是隔了十年的光阴，却被明显贴上了旧爱与新欢的标签。

　　“她很天真，一点小事也能让她感到满足，跟她去购物，抽奖得了一块香皂；带她去吃北京饺子；送她一块20元的电子表，给她买一个土渣儿饼......她都会欣喜若狂。跟她在一起，我很放松，我可以抽烟抽的屋子里一股烟味，我可以玩通宵麻将，跟朋友拼酒......”他陶醉在自己的幸福里，满眼的温柔。

　　而我，像所有的黄脸婆一样，精打细算，过问他每一笔开销，买双袜子都要货比三家。我不许他抽烟，禁止他喝酒，更反对他吆三喝四的赌博。

　　“和她在一起，我感觉心跳加速，干什么都充满力量。”他显然已有几分醉意。

　　我打断他：“从此以后，我不再是你的黄脸婆，不再是你不用支付工资的用人。我可以节省为你熨衣服配领带的时间，来打扮自己；我可以节省下为你买衣物的钱，给自己挑几件拿的出手的时装；我可以不用绞尽脑汁地搜索鱼的N种做法，不用讨好你的胃，想吃饭我就做，不想做饭，我可以带女儿去吃快餐；我可以不再担心你抽烟伤了肺，喝酒伤了肝；我不再为你洗吐的一塌糊涂的被单；不用在你醉了酒，睡在街边某个角落时，一边哭一边满大街的找；我可以不用再操心你老家的亲戚今天谁做寿，明天谁娶媳妇，不用再每个月给你爸妈寄生活费；不用每年跟你坐半天的车，提着大包小包走十多里山路，只为陪你父母吃顿年夜饭.....

　　是啊，离婚，真是太好了！”说完这些，我泪如泉涌，而他则楞楞的看着我，我一直都表现的很冷静，可是，一点酒精就把我的内心出卖了。三十多岁的女人，谁不在乎自己经营多年的婚姻？ 我又笑起来：“离吧，离了看你得意多久，你十分爱她是吧？她也十分爱你是吧？走到一起后，一起生活几年，看你还会不会见到她就心跳加速，她现在能给你的都是十年前我给过你的，你就折腾去吧！等你折腾够了就会发现，你只是把我们走过的路又重复走了一遍而已。” “你醉了？”他有些紧张的看着我。

　　“我没有天真单纯过吗？我没有年轻美丽过吗？我把你送的一只铜戒指、一本书、一枚书签视若珍宝，冒着严寒为你织手套。我也十分爱过，可是走进婚姻，女人的角色就复杂了，在爱的同时，有了很多责任。他不可能再十分专注的爱一个人，她要从这十分爱中分出一分爱公公婆婆，又要从中分出一分来爱自己的父母，还要从中分一分来爱孩子。十分的爱经过婚姻的洗礼，就只剩下了七分。当另一份十分的爱袭击她的幸福时，她就无以抵挡...”

　　最终，我们没有离婚，他改变了主意。他说我清醒的时候没有醉酒的时候理智，也没有醉酒的时候聪明...」

　　谢谢某人，勾引我老公。
　　谢谢某人，洒脱，解脱。

　　最近忙碌于很多事情，待到静下心回来的时候，我突然觉得，很多人很多事，我不再关注了，不再在乎了...

__________________________________________________________________

"Everyone knows, every efforts you do, is just to create a happy family. Once you've created, please don't destroyed it easily...Because, once you'd destroyed, you gonna do it all over again with double works to create another one..." How many second chances or life you have? Think about it....




Things change accordingly to what you've done...

I still have plenty of thoughts

Our day..

I'd a very nice day with him yesterday...*wink*
He came along from Penang to pick me up early in the morning, and we simply plan for our whole day... I feel pleased when he's beside me...

We'd our vegetarian lunch at Pulau Tikus, yet we go for "Chou Tian Yang Pet Shop" to look around some cute pets and of course, buy delicious snacks for his Kikko..^.^
Somehow, I always feel pretty excited when buying his Kikko's stuff together with him, but I still haven't find out where the joy come from...Maybe, I love to see the way of he's taking care of his Kikko or maybe, I like the feeling of I've involve in his part of life....Seriously, I don't mind to have Kikko as my pet too...XD

We went to Gurney to collect my money in the evening, by the way, we bought twin seat for our "Robin Hood" movie...hmmm...we just did that before the day in Sunway Carnival for "Iron Man"...teehee~^^...

Stupidly, I always feel so much happy when having movie with him...Because this is a ♥lovely♥ action which like you'll only concentrate on the movie and at the same time, there have an important man for you just stick beside you and hugging on you when you feel cold.... WAH~!!! That's my boy!!!! haha...There have only a man can give me such feeling (which cannot describe by just this simple words), and the feeling that nobody else can give me besides him...^^
(ar~hem..I know I'm narcissism but give me a chance to recall my day with him XD)

After all, we had our dinner at "Green House" where have a super duper tasty, delicious,drooool yummy "Hokkein Mee" there!!! Yeah~ Of course, I have got it! ^^

That's our simple day with a so-casual routine...
And make sure that we have our goodbye kiss before we end ups this day...^0^

♥He is the first man that I heart so much...♥
"Unfortunately, I don't know how much he heart me...But I only know he dotes on me a lots..Besides, I know I have the privilege to walk in his heart...."

Love my dear

The origin us

*wink~!
Tomorrow my boy is coming to find me in my hometown!!!
teehee~!!!!! We gonna register his company together...
So sweet when the one you love allow you to involve in his part of life...
How sweet is when his beloved one is going to help him in his part of life...
That's even sweetest when a lovely couple work hard for each others to make their future brighter... Whereas the future is for both of us...

I know he got lots of dreams...
Always being a supportive girlfriend, that's the most expensive gift to him...He neither...
Even is just giving him a little helping hand, he will feel satisfy enough...
Because, the simplest thing that he request, is just want me to stay beside him....

I know he really hope that I can be there for him, but he still always give me a chance to do thing that I wanted....Even though he hide it nicely, I will still see the real thinking from him, because I'm living in his heart.... I'm so thankful that he always give me enough freedom to do anything that I like without any unwillingness...

We have actually no much worries on each other because inside our heart, there have always a TRUST...

"Honesty is always around us that's why I don't need his password to look in his real part, he doesn't need mine neither...Because, we're the best origin us when we're together..." Everyone has their own privacy, so we are kind to allow it..

Heart him~...