I have the “girlfriend” name but not the role.

It's been a while that we haven't chat properly and met each other. We're just no longer like a couple anymore. I wonder if I'm still your girlfriend even I myself couldn't differentiate you're my boyfriend or boy's friend anymore. I'm just numb for waiting your calls and I realized that I'm not that fragile in this relationship. My tears never drop for you at all.

I wonder if I really love you.

But one thing I was really surprised is.....
When I got my result that really unsatisfied me, the 1st thing that I think about was what is your feeling towards me. I feel I have no guts to let you know my result even though I know you wouldn't blame on me. I just feel so terrified if you know my bad result, I'm afraid that you would really feel disappointed on me. How stupid I am huh!

Every time when I am together with him, he gave me a lot of stress based on his experiences, his knowledge, his confidence, his smartness and blah blah blah. The stress you gave me, it's a good way for me to grow and that's one of the reason I don't wanna give up our relationship. But then, there are still have some disadvantages too!

Because of this, I never really tell you the truth of mine.

"Therefore, we have a big gap between us. Just like, we've no topic and wouldn't care much about each other."

I just feel I was just having a “girlfriend” place in your life but it's actually empty inside, means I'm just a useless girlfriend who couldn't help you in some situations regardless you're happy or sad. Like what?! I have the “girlfriend” name but not the role.

"I almost lost my feeling towards you and just feel so

“nothing”

even if you didn’t give me a call."

I guess I just...not really that love him as much as I thought before.

He isn’t that love me neither, and so do I.